I HAD TO.

gazing out the jetblack sky, counting the tidbits of grace with one eye

i laughed at my sanity.

counseled my stupidity.

at the back of my mind, i smiled i knew i need not care what others think of me,
i lift my heart when i get so weak, and nothing else mattered.

i occupied a four-cornered room, trying every corner for comfort, checking for flaws.

i opened the windows

and


i lay, at the floor, matted.

i sang a good song, of lovers lullabies.

and pearls started dripping.

i knew i had it, and i cant keep it still in my hands, my arms grew weak with pulling it in.

i knew i had to let it go, to set it free, though it never asked for its liberty.

i cant.

im merely human and my capacity has limits, i am not strong enough.

when i opened my hands, i turned my back.

and slowly walked away.

unaware of my wanting, he went right on.

i wanted to be held, to be secured with strong arms, and be loved.

a natural longing for a human.

for a woman.

gazing now, at the blankness.

cold winds grazed every part of my skin,

kissing it gently leaving traces of wetness.

i chilled,

but i didn't move a single muscle.

i had to hold myself, to stay still, cause if i lose one grip,

i might breakdown.

i might lose it.

i might lose myself.

take me to one place i knew not of.

i closed my eyes.

and started dreaming once more.