:(

have you ever experienced having to be entirely ecstatic for a day.
like the whole world had a last smiled and poured a little blessing on you?
like you could just sit there and forget that the world even exist.
like its just you and me and then there was us.


how would it feel like to be on at cloud nine and all of a sudden lightning and storm came, ruining your rainbow cloud, and you start falling down down down, in an endless pit of great agony and misery.

no one hears your cries nor can see you falling with all those tears drenching you.
making you feel cold and alone, and vulnerable.

then the world suddenly stopped.

and all you could hear is yourself..

crying.
alone.
in despair.

november 3, 2010

today's my birthday. my friends are the ones who had the chance to greet first. i call em sapat. actually we are sapats. i dont know if some of you would get the term, but sapats is an acronym for "samahang ang pakay ay tagay". well we dont drink that much but we call ourselves such.
i slept over at a resort, should i call it that way? i think. so yeah, and i was with friends, so they got the chance to greet me at exactly 12.


i didnt post my birthdate on facebook, cause i dont like to obligate people to greet, it should be spontaneous right?well for me it should, the rest who cant understand, i got your point, but im weighing mine down.

a friend gave me a box of sweets from calea and a good book, well he knows i love to read.

and i bought havainas for myself and a blouse that doesnt look its price, and i bought my dad a white sleeveless cause i wanted to bring him something while i head home, it has been a long time since the last time i got to visit him.

i rode a bus, ceres liner, good thing it was airconditioned.
i befriended the girl next to me, she looked cute and sweet, i thought she was highschool, or elementary but she was a college student.

i was watching this cool movie about two black american cops, the main act was will smith, but i didnt get to finish it, i dozed off.

i woke up, and watched the world pass me by. looking over green fields is calming to the spirit, dontcha think?

when i got home, i ate pork adobo my dad cooked for me, my favorite actually, i was starving so i finished two plates, after that i got online in facebook and thank those who happen to have remembered, SPONTANEOUSLY.


truth is.
i dont know how to react over a greeting, i just, you know, shy off.

well i had a little reflection the moment i opened my eyes over a phone call from my mom, and i got up, took out my little notebook and started writing it over before oblivion takes place.


life is as simple as learning how to ride a bicycle, you get wounded at first, with all those balancers helping you to be a pro at it, and with all the scars, eventually you learn how to manipulate it without those balancers, ofcourse there is no such thing as contentment or satisfaction with people, we then again do tricks like one hand, or no hands at all, or do all this backflipping or whatever you call it, and we all get wounded again, scars form, and eventually we end up, hey not dead yet! we are a pro at it. really.


then about love,
they say if you constantly think about him/her its love,or if you wake up and he/she is the person who pops into your mind its love, or if you dreamt about him/her for 3 consecutive nights its love, or if you out of nowhere blurted his/her name out its love, i daresay no. i dont know what my basis is, but really it isnt.
love is trust. when you trust a person you get comfortable with him/her right? and that when you trust even if it takes millions of miles away you dont feel all wrong about it, you just let it be. love is when you call him/her at the right time of the day telling him/her how it went and you laugh it off, no nagging, no demands of reporting every detail though if you do its still okay. love is when you miss the person and grab your phone and drop the simplest text message "imissyou" no forms of flattery or add ons, and it completes your day. love is when you hold hands and you know the whole world is a playground. love is when you kiss, it doesnt demand for more. love is when you wake up before he/she does, and you dont jump out of bed because you have to cook breakfast, or you dont wake him/her up, cause you end up, staring the person right beside you, without make up on, or with the hair going all at the wrong places. its when you stare at him/her at a distance and feel loved without him/her looking back.

its love, its not make believe.


friends, is when you become the chain maker and they are the chains, you have to work hard on it, put time, lots of effort and love to make it stronger, so you eventually create a chain that can hold a cruise in the shore. thats friendship, it doesnt require only one person to basically do all the things, it needs love, strong faith, and good understanding, to keep everyone intact. once one lets the other drift, whats the chain all for?


GOD,
no matter how independent we may feel, there is always one GOD who'd kick our ass just to make us feel that "hey, IM here".


i am bipolar, at one point id feel ecstatic, and suddenly id want to be alone.
i try to push this attitude away, to control my emotions, but every time i do, i end up popping the strings, so i let it be.
but i love deeply, one would never understand because i can be silent for hours or keep it a secret for a lifetime. cause i keep my life in tight hands. call me obnoxious all you want, one cant open up just like that. its my whole life in the line, its my pride that keeps me burning, no one can open my hand and ask me to trust him/her, its mine. i am selfish with myself with my time with my life.



and im sorry.





10:35 pm <3